Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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