I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
