her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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