that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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