Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
