don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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