i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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