Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
