Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
