Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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