You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
