i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just gargled with NyQuil
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
