It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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