Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
