Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
