she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
