you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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