Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
