I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
