its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
