the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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