I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize