there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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