I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
