so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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