Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
