The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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