I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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