He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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