If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
