When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
