my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
