So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
