I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
