i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
