Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
