I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
