Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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