I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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