you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
