i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
