Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
