You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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