Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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