You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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