btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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