I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
