i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
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We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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