I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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