never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
