i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
