She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
