so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
