They should really pass out barf bags in church
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
