You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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