I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
