Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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