The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
