just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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