I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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