i think my tv is drunk
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
