I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
