It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
