what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
