Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
