now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
