We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
only you would photoshop your dick
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
